According to Hofmann: Shelved elves
I know it蘑菇视频 not even Thanksgiving yet, and I鈥檓 writing about what蘑菇视频 mostly a Christmas-themed subject, but everyone else seems to be doing it, so I caved to peer pressure.
A story out of Georgia recently caught my eye: a county judge issued a tongue-in-cheek motion banning Elf on a Shelf.
Those of you familiar with this column know that I鈥檝e written about the Elf on a Shelf before, and by 鈥渨ritten,鈥� I mean wailed and moaned, kicking and screaming, 鈥淣ot fair! Not fair!鈥� until a Taser needed to be used on me.
The Elf on a Shelf is a doll you buy at the store and once it蘑菇视频 taken out of its package, the magic that lies in the mystic world of retail sales brings the doll to life.
Anyway, the day after Thanksgiving, your kids will see that the elf has appeared in a room in the house; the next day, the elf will appear somewhere else in the house. The process of moving the elf continues until the day before Christmas or until you have a mental breakdown.
According to the legend on its website, the elf goes to the North Pole to rat out the kids to Santa Claus and comes back to spy on them some more, but the kids never, ever see the elf move as the magical journey only happens after the kids go to bed. Meanwhile, their parents walk around the house at midnight and muttering, 鈥淲here蘑菇视频 this creepy thing going to go now?鈥�
It蘑菇视频 almost like when someone says to Clark Kent, 鈥淗ey, did you ever notice that you and Superman look exactly alike except he doesn鈥檛 wear glasses, but you two are never in the same room together and whenever there蘑菇视频 trouble, you run away for help and then Superman arrives? Also, I just realized that I have virtually no short-term memory, so I conveniently forgot what I was talking about. Hey, did you ever notice that Batman and Bruce Wayne are never in the same room together?鈥�
Regardless, it seems like the judge had an all-too-familiar mishap with the elf because, one morning, his kids saw that the elf remained in its same spot as the day prior.
His order reads, 鈥淭he undersigned recalls a horrific incident in his own home where three children were sent to school in tears, with one child being labeled as an 鈥楨lf Murderer鈥� and accused of making the elf 鈥榣ose his magic鈥�.鈥�
Been there, done that, your honor. The only change in my case would be the adult or the dog being the guilty party for making the elf lose its magic.
The judge did, however, include on his Twitter post that if someone truly loves their elf, they can keep it. No contempt.
Above applauding the judge蘑菇视频 decision, I felt compelled to go on Twitter and see if there were any negative comments, seeing how Twitter is such a legion of level heads, open minds and pure hearts.
Man, Twitter never disappoints.
Sure, there were the people with a sense of humor who replied with funny comments like, 鈥淓lves rush to file for injunction in North Circuit,鈥� and I would say too many people asked if it was a joke or for real.
Then, there were those inflicted with bat-crap insanity and no regard for spelling and punctuation.
Here are a few verbatim examples:
鈥淗ow about the tyranny on wallstreet? Maybe your political prowess can be used more poignantly on behalf of retail traders.鈥�
鈥淲e are on the verge of civil war and this crap is in the courts right now Frivolous lawsuits about nonsense. Isn鈥檛 that the perfect example of the insanity we face right now I do think the elf on the shelf is horrific and manipulative but it蘑菇视频 none of my business.鈥�
鈥淚 understand what you are doing sir; it just makes me uneasy; constitutionally speaking, and more importantly, courts will easily block this, for more then many reasons.鈥�
鈥淐oncentrate on helping bring criminals to justice, seeing the courts treat everyone fairly, but NOT on what happens inside my home!鈥�
I just wanted to add that every comment had a reply to inform those folks that the judge蘑菇视频 鈥渙rder鈥� was a joke, but they might as well have written, 鈥淶orph Fluious Mzheaserier鈥�.
That being said, I don鈥檛 think the judge has to worry too much about being ratted out by his kids鈥� elf to Santa Claus this year. I think the elf will be too busy reciting comments on social media to Santa and asking him to deliver upon these folks the second-greatest gift mankind has ever received: a sense of humor.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥� and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com.