According to Hofmann: I’d buy that for a dollar
The awe-inspiring notion of dollar stores never dawned on me until I was trying to find straws inside of one.
Before I get to the straw story, it蘑菇视频 best to start with the phenomenon known as the dollar stores.
If you鈥檝e never seen one, you must be legally blind. Otherwise, just look outside and chances are you鈥檒l see a dollar store.
Stand-up comedian Lewis Black had a bit where a Starbucks was built across the street from another Starbucks in Houston, Texas, and commented that having a Starbucks directly across the street from another Starbucks was the end of the universe.
Well, good news. We won鈥檛 have to go to Texas to see that. I have confidence that we can see a dollar store directly across the street (or maybe right beside) another dollar store right here at home.
But, not all dollar stores are the same.
First, you have the tried-and-true dollar stores where everything in the store is truly $1.
A fun thing to do is go up to employees with any random item and ask how much it is and after they say, 鈥淚t蘑菇视频 a dollar, a dollar, a dollar! Everything in this store is a dollar! What蘑菇视频 the matter with you?!,鈥� they normally call the authorities and you pay a fine, but it蘑菇视频 only $1.
Yep. They鈥檙e that dedicated.
Speaking of crime, whenever I see police reports about someone stealing something like $53 worth of items from a dollar store, I can鈥檛 help to think of the criminal mastermind stuffing over 50 items into their pockets and trying to walk out of the store without suspicion while looking like the Michelin Man.
One frustration while shopping at these stories is sales tax.
鈥淔ive dollars and 30 cents? I was going to use a $5 bill! Now I have to break a $10! I haven鈥檛 been this duped since being charged $5.30 at the five-dollar store!鈥�
Another duplicitous bit of tomfoolery with those dollar stores is the little-known fact that while some items that are being sold for $1 are also being sold for less at other stores.
Nothing quite like risking a brain aneurysm from feverishly pondering if the package of lip balm in your cart really has the suggested retail price of a dollar or if it蘑菇视频 only 85 cents at the gas station across the street.
It蘑菇视频 not worth it. Believe me.
With the other dollar stores, you鈥檙e constantly getting the rug pulled from under you as items in those stores are a dollar while many other items are way over a dollar.
It really is a metaphor of how life works as you鈥檙e going through the store, you鈥檙e looking for something good and you鈥檙e on a budget and, behold, on aisle five in kitchenware, you see an electronic corkscrew!
You have a crisp dollar 鈥� and a super crisp nickel and a semi-soggy penny for the sales tax 鈥� in your pocket and as you go to reach for the electronic corkscrew, your hopes and dreams of easily opening a bottle of wine are dashed when you see it蘑菇视频 $6 鈥� with an added 36 cents after sales tax.
Okay, so with those pitfalls aside, it蘑菇视频 time for my straw story.
I stopped at a dollar store to find straws and couldn鈥檛 find the things anywhere in any aisle, so I had to break a guy rule and ask an employee for help.
I was directed to a section where there were two kinds of straws. As I grabbed a pack of twisty straws, I took a moment to look around the store. Sure, it蘑菇视频 not as big as a big-box store, but somehow, they manage to fit everything in such a small space, which makes dollar stores the clown cars of retail outlets.
You wouldn鈥檛 think there was a lot of stuff, but the place is stuffed with a lot of stuff.
It was certainly an inspiring and confusing feeling, and I felt a bit of comfort as I took the twisty straws toward the cash register. Then I stopped and put the straws back.
All good feelings stop at $2.50, so I went to the dollar store across the street for a $1 pack of straws, and to take a gander at the end of the universe.
According to Hofmann is written by staff reporter Mark Hofmann of Rostraver Township. His books, 鈥淕ood Mourning! A Guide to Biting the Big One 鈥� and Dying, Too鈥� and 鈥淪tupid Brain,鈥� are available on Amazon.com.