Hanging in there
I have a pet peeve I would like to get off my chest. It’s more like a chip on my shoulder, not a big chip, but certainly an annoying one.
I made an observation years ago about a greeting phrase that is insincere but, it seems, used everywhere by everyone. I don’t know where it originated or how it spread, but commonly people say, “How are you doing?”
Now this may feel innocuous at first glance, but does the cashier asking that really mean it? Do we really believe that the salesperson who just walked up to us honestly wants to know, or even truly cares?
I can comprehend that, “How are you doing?” has become a greeting comparable to saying hello, but it betrays a couple of important truths. One of which I mentioned, which as far as the actual words are concerned the question is artificial because overwhelmingly, most people asking are not concerned or serious about your well being. They are just doing what has become customary, or what their job requires. Further scrutiny discloses that at some point in time, our responses become untruthful because invariably most of us, most of the time, say, “fine”, or some variation of it, even when we really don’t mean it.
Maybe we’re going through a really bad time or heart-breaking situation and we still respond, “Doing fine, thank you.” Because intuitively we understand that the whole question and answer setup is superficial and mainly meaningless.
One thing that sticks my craw (What is a craw anyway?) is when I see folks walking toward someone and they ask, “How are you doing,” and without any hesitation they keep walking past them and don’t even pause for a response.
Of course, many would respond, “Fine, and how are you?” And not look up or make reasonable eye contact. How verbally phony we have become! As a person who highly values truthfulness, I found myself years ago in this predicament when I was asked how I was doing, and I was in a bad place at that moment. It stopped me because I realized that to say I was doing fine would be untruthful and at the same time knowing that the person was just being polite but really didn’t want to hear my spill. So I answered, “Hanging in there.”
That was truthful.
I understand that doing fine is subjective and we all can have different points of reference. So while we may have bad things happening in our life, mentally we refer to something good when we say, “fine.”
My point of reference is that as a Christian, despite my faults, I am saved and know that God loves me and is constantly caring and looking after me to build me up. I never ask anyone, “How are you doing? Unless I mean it and I’m willing to take the time to listen if they wish to unburden themselves.
I wish everyone would just go back to the simple “Hello!”
That is all you’ll get from me when a greeting is warranted, except when I have the time and readiness for you, then I may ask, “How are you doing?” But don’t ask me if you don’t really mean it.
I am grateful that God always wants to know how I’m doing. Actually he always knows and just wants me through conversation with him (some call it prayer) to be open, honest and to take all the time I want or need. God won’t pass me up in the hallway, on the street or at the store with some culturally relevant yet fake acknowledgment of my existence.
With that I will try to only build others up recognizing their issues, see Eph 4:29 any version. And that God always hears the voice of his children, see 1 Peter 3:12 any version. Moving forward, I will endeavor to receive the good will verbal gestures of others and think less of the vacuity of it. And that I should respond with appropriate expression.
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Blessings.