Sometimes you have to discuss unpleasant topics
For the last few weeks, we’ve discussed how we feel and what happens when life seems unfair. Based on my experience, digesting the messages of Pastor Rich Nathan at Vineyard Columbus, we’ve explored the difficulties and challenges of life and how we explain them. We’ve found that some of our experiences can be linked to our own poor decision making while other experiences simply occur out of our control. But in both instances, we know that we “must count it all joy” and each experience, whether earned or not, a lesson can be learned, a blessing can be received, a pain can be overcome.
I know that some of you may have wondered why I chose to go “dark” in my writing. Or maybe you’ve wondered why I’ve been writing about hard stuff, the stuff no one wants to talk about. Let me share a story about a family I know to help explain why this series of articles is so important.
For 11 months, the Angler (not using real name) has experienced some of the most challenging times of their lives. In a short period of time, their family collectively experienced 3 miscarriages, significant financial hardship, loss of romantic relationships and long-time friendships, betrayal by once trusted friends/colleagues, spiritual attack to family members (immediate and extended) and much more. After months and in one case, years of trying to get pregnant, the couples who miscarried were exhausted, overwhelmed, and devastated. They often wondered what God’s purpose was in this tragic pain. Why would a God who loves them so much, allow them to hear a baby’s heartbeat or feel a baby’s kick only to take him or her so quickly?
Within a 6-month period two couples from one family experienced four pregnancies, with only one surviving past the first trimester. The viable pregnancy began under trying circumstances as the parents were told the baby would most likely die and not survive another month in the womb. Mom had a large blood clot that was stealing much needed blood from the embryo. The parents kept the news of their pregnancy a secret and prayed for God’s mercy, favor, and grace to bless their unborn child. With each visit to the doctor’s office, the family received more overwhelming and sometimes devastating news. Fibroid tumors began to appear outside of the womb. The first tumor appeared and quickly doubled in size with a second tumor appearing shortly thereafter. The mother continued to experience heavy bleeding and cramping. The physician could not give any medical diagnosis for why this was happening. The couple continued to pray. But even their prayer life could not keep them from wondering what they had done to cause such pain. The Anglers explored their individual catalogues of wrongdoing, reviewing sins of their past trying to make sense of their situation and determine what they did to “earn” this punishment. The couple began to question God and ask Him for answers, some sort of sign to indicate that everything would work out for their good.
Close to the fourth month of pregnancy, the couple shared their news with their older child, parents, siblings, and other close family members and friends. Soon, the couple had a team of individuals joining them in prayer, fasting (not the pregnant mom), and devotions to bless their pregnancy, encourage their marriage, and strengthen them for the road ahead.
Although the circumstances surrounding the Angler pregnancies was difficult, there were several moments to celebrate and express gratitude for the blessing of the pregnancy. The wife began to commit her words to positive daily confession. She would place her hands on her stomach and give thanks for the child growing inside of her, praying for the many women who may never have the opportunity to carry their own child. The husband began praying each day a confirming word that the child would be strong, healthy, and a mighty warrior for the kingdom. With each prayer, the couple became stronger and walked with a new boldness each time they entered the doctors office. No more would they walk into their bi-weekly appointments with their heads held down or hearts racing to hear the next bad bit of news. They armed themselves with the Word of God and allowed him to fight for them instead of spending their energy asking why or explaining why they had to endure such pain.
The tumors stopped growing. The bleeding and cramping went away. The baby kept growing and now the couple is about to give birth to their little survivor. The Anglers knew that God does not cause our pain. He is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). God never tries to “trip us up” nor does he push us toward sin (James 1:13). He wants the best for his children (Matthew 6:25-33) and wants us to succeed (Proverbs 16:3; Isaiah 41:10).
In closing, let me remind you of this: You may believe God is unfair and I agree, he is. If he was fair, he would grant us every judgment we deserve and withhold every blessing that we are unworthy of. If he was a fair God, we would know it, we would feel it. I’m glad he is unfair. I am glad that he wants his children to seek mercy and justice (Micah 6:8) and bless them with unmerited favor (Ephesians 1:2-10).
Gina Watts is a former resident of Fayette County, now living in Columbus, Ohio. She serves multiple communities as an advocate, educator, and leader. Follow Gina on Twitter @professorgmarie.