Don’t make first impressions a lasting experience
How many times have you heard that it is important to make a good first impression? Probably like me, you’ve heard it too many times to count I’m sure. And how many times have you royally messed up making a good first impression? Yeah and like me, probably too many times to count. First impressions are important, they can be the lasting impressions we hold of someone and shape the way that we see them for the entirety (no matter how short or long) of our experience with them.
Thinking back on your first experience with someone, what was the impression you left with them? Did you get a second chance to make a good first impression? Recently I was told the story of a young man who unintentionally made a bad first impression. We will call him Connor. Let me share his story with you.
It was his first year of high school and like any freshman, Connor was super nervous and excited all at the same time. Connor joined the football team over the summer and was pumped and ready for his first game. During that summer, Coach admired Connor’s hard work ethic and tenacity but he expressed concern for his arrogance and attitude. In addition to leading Connor as a player, Coach also had Connor as a student in his class. The arrogance and attitude he had on the field was with him in the classroom as well. One night at dinner, Coach shared with his wife, “I have no idea how I am going to deal with this kid for 4 years.” Coach felt conflicted. He saw in Connor a physical ability to be a great player and successful athlete. He also saw in him an arrogant spirit that would most assuredly prevent Connor from reaching the level of success that awaited him. Connor’s first impression was not a good one.
Over time, Coach began to see that Connor was passionate about football, cared deeply what his coaches thought of him, dedicated extra time to become better at the sport, led his teammates on and off the field, made intentional choices that blessed others, and so much more. Coach was introduced to Connor for a second, third, fourth, and many more times. As their relationship evolved over the four years, Coach’s love for and understanding of Connor also grew. He realized that although first impressions are critical and can determine the direction of your future, lasting impressions created over time are just as, if not more important.
This week, we buried two major influencers in American culture – The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin and War Hero and Senator John McCain. My first memory of experiencing all that is Aretha Franklin is listening to and singing with her, two of her famous songs, “RESPECT” and “Freeway of Love.” I remember enjoying her music and trying to duplicate each note and inflection. Of course, I came nowhere close to the beautiful tones that poured effortlessly out of Ms. Franklin, but I still enjoyed her music just the same. The next time I was introduced to Ms. Franklin was through her biography. I remember reading her story and thinking, “my God how did she overcome so many odds to still perform and serve at such a high level?” A parent at 12 years old, Aretha faced nearly insurmountable odds. Yet God still saw fit to use her and her voice to shape the music of generations. I’m sure that those who first met Aretha when she was a young pre-teen mom, didn’t expect for her to become a legendary musician and artist who used her platform to seek change in the world and one day be honored by the Queen of England, former Presidents, other world leaders and influencers. What a misguided first impression that would’ve been.
Senator John McCain was a lauded war hero who many believe was the last true American hero of our time. My first memory of Senator McCain is closely watching him during his presidential campaign in 2008. I remember “writing him off” because my first impression of him was based on his pick for vice president. The next time I was introduced to Senator McCain was when I heard and then read his story. A naval officer who was a prisoner of war and now a major influencer and leader in the United States Senate, Senator McCain was a great man whose legacy will be celebrated and envied for generations to come. Over the last several days, I’ve read of folks who let their first impression of John McCain guide how they viewed him and now realize the value he brought to our country and our world.
The story of Coach and Connor is one that I’m sure we can all relate to. Whether we’ve been Coach or we’ve been Connor, there are times where we wish we could’ve made a better first impression or believed better about someone’s ‘not so great’ first impression made to us. Friends, lets take time this week to believe the best in others and believe the best in ourselves. If you know you made a bad first impression with someone, why not go and make it right. Let that person or people get to know the real you. And if you’ve misjudged someone and treated them unfairly because of a bad first impression they made with you, offer grace so that you may create meaningful connections.
Gina Watts is a former resident of Fayette County, now living in Columbus, Ohio. She serves multiple communities as an advocate, educator, and leader. Follow Gina on Twitter @professorgmarie.