The epitome of parental love
This is the second in a two-part series. The first article, titled “Number one cause of bad parenting, spouses,” published on Nov. 22 and you can find it on our website.
There are legitimate reasons we fall short on conferring our TEM (Time, Energy, Money). Perhaps we worked long hours, falling short on sleep and energy, or are ill, which saps our energy. Possibly we are away from home or caring for others.
Barring these factors, there is a distinction to be made between when we can’t, and when we won’t. Saying I “can’t” typically involve situations beyond my control is very different than saying I “won’t” concern my lack of self-control because of my selfishness.
When someone is gone all week, and then comes home for the weekend for themselves and neglects his spouse and children so he can indulge his proclivity, that is not prioritizing your TEM.
When a person follows a dream to become a partner in a law practice and abandons their children in the process, that is a callous disregard of parental TEM.
While health and fitness need to have a place in most folk’s sedentary lifestyle, doing two hours a day while your child needs your help with homework and is failing in school because of your detached mindset exposes the self-absorbed way of thinking.
Too many parents have no moral authority because they have no moral credibility. When parents become illegal drug users, hard drinkers, are openly promiscuous, or are lazy and unproductive workers, they do not qualify for role model status at that timeframe period of their lives.
How do you explain to your spouse or child that you’ve been fired for the second time from a job because you’re always late for work, or were caught stealing? When your selfish attitude takes precedence over providing for your family.
If we would do the do’s, the don’ts would take care of themselves. If we could lay down our selfishness, and give our TEM properly, then we could build and maintain moral credibility.
When we don’t give or give up the TEM that we should provide for our spouse or children because of selfishness, when we withhold, or hold back, it creates problems. If we’re not held appropriately accountable, our behavior will worsen, and the relationship situations will be exacerbated.
Christ, in Luke 6:38, says,” to give and it will be given to you.”
This is a form of sowing and reaping. The connotation here is that if you don’t give, it won’t be given back to you.
Are we giving faithfulness, compliments, affection, forgiveness to our marriages/parenting? That’s energy and, somewhat, involves time.
That brings us to the age-old question, quantity vs quality. How much time compared to the intensity or productivity of time? If our intentions and goals are principled, the investment, or sowing, will give a positive return, or reaping. This doesn’t mean there should never be boundaries.
Boundaries shouldn’t be an automatic excuse to not give or give enough. Sometimes we use boundaries as an excuse. Yes, we do have limitations and, regrettably, there are some who use their “needs” as their justification for being relational leeches. Maybe because they don’t have realistic boundaries?
Sometimes we don’t give our TEM because of retaliation, anger and resentment. Maybe it’s a misguided notion that if we give our TEM to our spouses/children, we won’t have enough left for ourselves? What stands in the way of us expending our TEM to the most important of our relationships?
Phil 2:3 admonishes us to, “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”
It then goes on to state we should consider other’s interests as well as our own. This is a great point to emphasis the words from that passage, “do nothing out of selfish ambition.”
By and large, selfishness is the number one reason for bad marriages and parenting. We must resign ourselves to the responsibilities in life. Accept where you’re at in life.
This is my spouse or children. I must apply myself to their wellbeing and be the spouse / parent I should be. It’s not all about me. I must give of myself and live the life I have, not necessarily the one I missed, or think I should have.
This is where I’m at in life. I need to consider their wellbeing as well as mine. If I want to better those and any relationships, I must give up my selfishness and give up my TEM.
The epitome of parental love is to raise your children to be better than you.