For better or for worse
A lot of mileage has been gotten for comedians about marriage. And a lot of money has been had by counselors for trouble spots. The vows we know: for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer and any combination thereof. These are the basics known across our cultural spectrum. With that, as entertainment or reality, comes scenes of marital bliss, or marital turmoil.
It is eye-opening and the subject of wagging tongues when a wedding celebration runs into an expensive ordeal and too soon divorce papers are served. It only proves again that money can’t buy happiness. One must question the integrity of repeat celebrity marriages with the divorce rate as it is among that demographic. Were they truly in love, or in love with the idea of being in love? If truly in love as each marriage is said to be, then why all the breakups?
Of course people divorce for different reasons such as stress factors. Finances, children, extended family, career pursuits, health issues, opinion differences, anger management issues and the like. But you can’t study divorce alone to find the secrets to a healthy marriage (author unknown).
The No. 1 one reason for long-term marriage is compatibility. Opposites may attract as the saying goes, but it is rare for them to stay attracted. Long-term marriage “secrets” are common sense behaviors. Laying down selfishness also goes a long way toward stability. How well each spouse maintains consideration of each other bodes well for marital health. Having shared values increases potential permanency.
All relationships have influential impact, however great or small, short-lived or long-term. The partner you select will end up having a lifelong effect and consequences for your life even if the relationship isn’t lifelong itself. For one thing, it is history that can’t be denied. Who you were, or are with, has (partially) defined your life in some manner.
If a person would take heed of warning signs, such as desperation issues, anger problems, undue selfishness, they can’t stand your kids/family, isolationism, extreme mood swings, or an overly critical spirit, many future breakups would be avoided by never coming together to begin with. One should look at good signs for compatibility markers. Do they compromise, are considerate, welcoming, have the same outlook on life as you?
The Bible reminds us to not be unequally yoked, (2 Cor 6:14) or partnered. It is a mismatch that has negative repercussions. Instead of being in unity you will find yourselves at odds. That leads to a greater burden in which ultimately because of the conflicting natures, values, personalities, disillusion, then detachment, and then separation occurs. Be reminded: A house divided cannot stand (Mark 3:25).
God created marriage, Gen 2:24 and Mark 10:8. The expression about the two becoming one is about unity, a house united will stand. Each complementing the other instead of in conflict. This isn’t about never having problems but committing to resolve, maintain, and build. Scripture reveals bad marriages and even good marriages with dysfunction of some manner.
Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sara, Moses and Zipporah, David and Bathsheba, Ahab and Jezebel, Hosea and his wife, Mary, and Joseph. Each marriage goes through better or worse. Sometimes “better” brings worse, and sometimes “worse” brings better. How do you react and respond to each other when the things that affect you either adversely or in good fortune come along?
When the initial romantic thrill is gone, and time passes, does the love remain? The idea is one of faithfulness, to remain loyal to the person of your vows. Yes: Occasionally you may not like each other, and it’s OK to take breathers, with time limitations. Sometimes rocky roads hit and counseling to get back on track should be taken advantage of.
With passing time, you each can look back at what has been weathered and endured, creating not just memories, but better bonding. No one can meet all a person’s needs except through God’s provisions. Philip 4:19, My God shall supply all your needs, and that may include a spouse, for better or for worse. Were they your choice or God’s?