Experiences shape life philosophy
Q. What’s the best life advice you have?
Mary Jo’s Response: Wow! What a great question! Let me first say that each of us is unique. What guides my life may not inspire you, although I hope at least some of my message touches your heart. I will start with two stories. I share them because I think it’s important for you to be aware of what motivates my advice.
My second job, I was a pediatric oncology nurse at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer hospital in NYC. I was 23. I’d been a nurse at Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, so I had experience caring for very sick children, but I had not experienced the level of death I saw at Sloan. Our unit averaged 10 deaths weekly. I was lucky to be raised by two wonderful parents, and my perspective on life was positive prior to Sloan, but caring for so many dying children changed me. It was a life-affirming experience, during which I faced my own mortality.
When we returned to PA, I decided to shift my focus of work to birth. I thought I’d had my fill of death (I was wrong. Ultimately, I became a hospice nurse). I started teaching childbirth when I was 26. I soon encountered pregnant teens. These young people seemed out of place in a room full of adult couples, so I started a “teen class.” I taught it separately from the adult classes, I didn’t charge the teens, and I fed them. I became quite popular! One day, a woman called me to ask for classes for her daughter. I told her about the teen class. She then told me her daughter was in foster care – could I go to her?
I’d not done a home visit since nursing school, but I packed my visual aids (a knitted, colorful uterus for one) and went. The pregnant teen was 12. The father of her baby was her own father. I became her birth doula. A doula is someone who supports someone through labor and birth. I spent 19 hours with this very brave child during her labor. She decided she would not keep her baby, saying, “I don’t want my baby to have the kind of life I’ve had.” She declared she could not see the baby or even know the gender if she was going to go through with the adoption. I alerted the nurses and doctors – as soon as the baby was born, they whisked the newborn out of the room. After I cared for the mother, I went to the baby. I picked up this tiny new life, slid into a rocking chair, and rocked back and forth, humming an Italian lullaby my mama sang to me. When I returned home, I told my husband I was going to serve pregnant teens. This was my second life-changing experience.
These stories illustrate how my life philosophy was formed. I believe in living with intention. I believe in seeing each day as a gift and acting on that gift by planning each morning how I can live the day to not only grow and learn, but also to serve others. I believe we are all connected, and our connection should lead us to “listen to hear” others (not only to respond), to react with kindness, and to reach out to other people with support. My best advice: Find your path. Do work that you love. Never stop learning. Reflect on your day every night. Learn from failure. Believe in yourself. Believe in the goodness of others. Love loudly. Embrace life. Remind yourself that we cannot always change what happens to us, but we can change the way we react to challenges. Show gratitude. Live with grace. Filter your words to give dignity to all you encounter. Accept yourself, with all your ups and downs. May your life be all you dream it will be.
Have a question? Send it to Dr. Mary Jo Podgurski’s email podmj@healthyteens.com.