Super Bowls and dating don’t mix
As I write this in the wake of Super Bowl LI-or 51, for those struggling with this NFL numbering system since it became no longer as easy as I, II, III — I am moved to nearly to tears. But not for the reason you might think.
Sure, my hometown Pittsburgh Steelers once again failed to get to the big game and yes, the Vince Lombardi Trophy was once again captured by the New England Cheaters, er, I mean, Patriots. But my melancholy is triggered by a news item I read a few years back (just prior to Super Bowl XLIV, I believe). Namely, that according to the dating service It’s Just Lunch, 82 percent of women and 74 percent of men admitted they would root against their date’s team at a Super Bowl party.
Even allowing for a tiny percentage of people who brought to their relationships passionate loyalty for different teams who just happened to oppose each other in the Super Bowl — for example, the Southern Belle who moves to Massachusetts for work and falls in love with a Yankee (the Boston kind, not New York) — these percentages are staggering. That means that about three-quarters of people in a relationship agree to accompany their potential lifelong partner to a Super Bowl party likely attended by friends and family members of at least one of them. Then, for no other discernable reason then they showed up with a person with a strong emotional loyalty to a particular team, they choose to cheer for the other guys — no matter who it is!
That’s just messed up.
For the record, I take no chauvinistic pleasure in the fact that in that one poll the percentage of men exhibiting such boorish behavior is lower than the number for women. I simply attribute it to the fact that, when a sporting event is on, men don’t pay much attention to their dates. Period.
Anyway, let me give one guy’s perspective on this, developed over years of experience, which is shared by countless men and women whose bonds to particular sports teams are forged in blood, sweat, tears and, often, beer.
When it comes to compatibility between a sports fan and prospective mate, the options in descending order are: 1. His/her passion for your team is as red hot-maybe even more so-than yours; 2. He/she is not a fan, but will watch with in exchange for equal time doing something else (i.e., trips to the mall or the ballet, or watching a Hallmark Channel movie); or 3. He/she will find other ways to occupy the time you spend watching your team and maybe even spring for a pair of game tickets so you can take an equally passionate buddy.
Please note that nowhere on that list does it mention fist-bumpin’ a roomful of people and slamming down a Jell-O shot every time some Bengal, Brown or Raven sacks Big Ben. Seriously, is that something on which to build a meaningful relationship? I mean, this has so much potential “deal-breaker” mojo that dating services should include a question on their compatibility surveys designed to keep such obnoxious individuals unconnected from, well, everybody.
Of course, there are some benefits to inviting a couple in a new relationship to your Super Bowl party. If the game gets boring, you can watch the “love birds” erupt into a brawl when the “party-of-the-first-part” gets tired of the “party-of-the-second-part” dissing his or her team. And if your Super Bowl pool doesn’t provide enough wagering opportunities for your crowd, you can always grab a calendar (or maybe just a 24-hour day planner) and bet on how long that that relationship will last.
Ron Cichowicz is a western Pennsylvania-based writer and humorist. 蘑菇视频 him at roncichowicz@verizon.net.