Bye-bye, Donald
America has just witnessed a six-year presidential campaign, filtered through a lackluster presidency, that ended with a thud.
That’s the Donald Trump presidency in a nutshell.
He traveled the country, standing on makeshift stages, ad-libbing punchlines while making vague references to thin policy initiatives in ways that resembled comedy routines.
“Make sure you tip the wait staff. I’ll be in the lounge all week long – and the Mexicans will pay for it,” kinda stuff.
He lost. But there’s no guarantee he’ll stop campaigning.
He enjoys the adulation too much.
A life spent perpetually campaigning for the presidency – even after he had the job – wasn’t necessarily time well-spent, nor worthy of a second term.
“COVID, COVID, COVID,” was his final battle-cry.
He’d had it up to here with it. So, he spat out volleys of “COVIDS” with disdain. (I’m apt to utter the words “liver and onions” with equal ire. But I’m a realist enough to know there’s no chance liver and onions will vanish by my requests.)
Where was I?
Oh.
I don’t blame Mr. Trump for trying to make us forget COVID-19.
Well, yes I do.
It wouldn’t have been the bane of his presidency if he would’ve paid more attention to it last winter. But that’s a column for another day. Right now, I’ve got a one-term president to skewer about other, more interesting, stuff. (I’m gloating.)
By boasting about his failed efforts to rid the world of COVID-19, he tried to fool everybody into believing his reelection was well in hand.
It wasn’t.
His reelection was in doubt from the minute he completed his inauguration speech.
Nearly four years later, he’s proceeded to commit so many unforced errors, he talked himself out of a second term.
Repeatedly attack Arizona’s favorite son, John McCain? Put Arizona in your opponent’s column.
Go to Erie. Tell the folks who’d come to see you give a campaign speech that you didn’t really want to have to go there? Flip Erie County from Republican to Democrat.
Attack a revered civil rights icon – the late Congressman John Lewis – by claiming his congressional district was “crime infested?”
Then step back and watch the voters of that district be the ones who helped turned Georgia (of all places) into a swing state won by his Democratic challenger.
That’s why Trump became a nomadic president, campaigning in parts of the country that he easily won in 2016.
He got desperate.
Desperation was the reason that he took his traveling roadshow to Nebraska for a campaign stop, despite having easily won the state in 2016. He knew the steaks were high. (You think I misspelled “stakes,” don’t you?)
Nope!
He campaigned in Omaha, where the “steaks” are always high. The, er, Omaha Stakes!
Trump has now come to terms with the reality that nothing was truly accomplished by taking his vaudeville act on the road.
How will he fill his days?
He can tweet nonstop. He probably does that anyway.
He might join his fellow ex-presidents and play a little golf.
Shucks! I forgot. None of them even like him. Besides, golf doesn’t provide him with a sufficient audience.
He needs eyeballs.
He may find himself talking a lot to his wife and his youngest son, Barron. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he tries to teach Barron about the birds and the bees.
“Son, when you’re famous, they’ll let you do anything!”
His post-presidency is ahead. I hope he’s good at it.
I don’t mean that. I’m just throwing it out there to keep you from falling asleep while you read this.
I’m going to head to bed now, secure in the knowledge that our long, national nightmare will end on Jan. 20.
When that day arrives, please look for ex-President Trump among the dignitaries on the inaugural dais. He’ll be the one wearing the long face. Probably the only one with a long face, when you think about it.
I do know that it’s time for him to get on with his life’s work.
Edward A. Owens is a multi-Emmy Award winner, former reporter, and anchor for Entertainment Tonight, and 20-year TV news veteran. Email him at freedoms@bellatlantic.net.